Life is but a Dream
by Aya Rose
Summary: Remimber Naoko? Would you be willing to trust her to save the world? ff maybe.
1. A voice in the darkness

~o~  
  
"You should have told her."  
  
"She couldn't do anything about it. Telling her would only make it worse when it happens."  
  
"What about Dark and Light? They could have told her. I mean, this is. . . "  
  
"Light doesn't even know the specifics of what will happen. And Dark thinks that it should happen. If it doesn't, who knows what could happen instead. It could be even worse."  
  
"I'm going to do something."  
  
"Fine, do what ever you want. But telling her right off will only make it worse for sure."  
  
"I know, I know... but I can't just sit here and do nothing."  
  
~o~  
  
Life is But A Dream.  
  
A CCS story about Naoko.  
  
~o~  
  
I can't remember when the dreams started. They would come about twice a month, and they would always have the same pink haired lady with a magical aura in them.  
  
We'd always be in a field, filled with flowers. White during the winter, pastels in spring, Red and Yellows in summer and fall. And she'd always be sitting in the center, her dress flowing into the flowers of the field. She would motion for me to join her, her eyes smiling, the strange cross like tattoo on her forehead glowing, the two large bobbing curls framing her hair bouncing. She would take my hands and smile at me as I sat down, petals falling from the sky.  
  
She would always say the same line every time, then hand me a strange lavender flower, smiling the entire time, her lips never moving. What was it she always said to me though? It was... It was something like...  
  
If the Seal is broken, Disaster will befall this world.  
  
The Seal has been broken.  
  
Then I would usually wake up. But more recently, the flower has been shriveling up in my hands as she speaks. And she keeps getting progressively sadder. To tell the truth it's kinda freaky.  
  
. . .  
  
Not that I'd ever tell anyone about it...  
  
. . .  
  
My friends already assume I'm a little weird. Even compared to Yamizaki.  
  
At least he's just a compulsive liar. They just don't understand what I see in the unknown.  
  
Even I don't understand it at times.  
  
But that's why I'm throwing this sleep over! Sure Sakura can't make it, and Tomoyo's been a little more... moody then usual, but that's okay. Chiharu is going to bring the Ouija board she got for her birthday, and Rika was going to make some muffins for everyone. And even by some act of God the four of us were able to convince Meiling to come.  
  
We could never get the Ouija board out with Sakura around. She's always been afraid of even the hint of ghosts. So this should be new for most of us.  
  
And I really really like Meiling. . . Not in a Hentai way though, that would just be perverted. I just really like her.  
  
She didn't even show up until a few years back when Sakura started acting weird. Her and that Li Sayoran guy. He's really not very polite, but Meiling at least tries to fit in. Luckily things have been calming down lately, and since they're both back for vacation, it'd be nice to have them over.  
  
Of course, with Sakura spending most of her time with him, it's a little hard to get her attention lately.  
  
If it keeps up this way all break, I'll really start to worry about Tomoyo. I know she really likes Sakura, but I don't know if she knows she does. Maybe I'll try to ask her about it tonight?  
  
I used to be like that. . . Liking someone but not knowing you like them. . . But that was a long while back. Anyhow, they've had an engagement ring for a long time, so it's not like I really had a chance of getting their attention. . .  
  
It would have been nice if they told me about it, but I'm sure she. . . They'll get around to it. Probably next year when she's sixteen.  
  
Either way, I'm over it now. . . Mostly.  
  
I hope Meiling comes. It won't be as fun if she doesn't. 


	2. Little red lines

~o~  
  
Who knew happiness could be obtained so cheaply?  
  
Mother is in Taiwan right now. There was a dispute at the factory there that needs to be handled. It's just the summer holidays. She'll only be gone for a day or two. The guards are away for now. I need time to prepare for Naoko's sleep over. What can happen in one afternoon.  
  
The maids are gone today. They offered to help me bake for the party. But I was able to convince them I could handle it myself. Sakura is in Hong Kong today. I put her on the plane myself. She just couldn't stop smiling. She was so happy she could spend the week with her Li-kun.  
  
Should everything be so blurry? It's really hard to focus on anything in particular.  
  
It's too bad I'll miss the sleep over though. But I'll won't get another chance for this for a long, long time.  
  
I hope the cooking staff isn't too upset that I used one of their knives though. I couldn't go out and buy razor blades. People might start asking questions. So I guess happiness does cost a little more then I thought. A plane ticket, a vegetable knife, and a human life.  
  
It's still a bargain at twice the price.  
  
~o~  
  
Okay, calm down. Deep, calming breaths.  
  
Firstly Tomoyo is going to be okay. . . Most likely. The doctors are doing what they can, but she's lost a lot of blood.  
  
Oh my god! What if I went to Rika's house first like I planned yesterday!? Then Tomoyo probably would have bled to death, and no one would have been around to help her. Her muffled voice screaming as she sunk under the water...  
  
No, that doesn't make sense...  
  
It wasn't an accident was it? Tomoyo was trying to kill herself, and I messed all it up.  
  
Why would she want to kill herself though? I mean, she's rich, happy, and has all her friends...  
  
Except we weren't really her friends. We were Sakura's Friends, and she was Sakura's Friend, so we just were a group then... She never completely opened up to the rest of us. And we never completely opened up with her... It's not like I'm without blame.  
And... She never was really happy without Sakura around. I mean she liked Sakura, but she liked her more then she liked anyone else, take me for example. But more of a like-like. She might have lov-...  
  
That still doesn't make sense. Girls like Boys. Of course, Tomoyo never really like-liked any boys... The only person she liked in that way was Sakura... And of course she's over in China right now... With her boyfriend... Which would be why she'd kill herself...  
  
They should make a manual: "Congratulations! You're 15! Now you're in trouble!" Complete with chapters on what signs to watch for when a friend becomes suicidal, and a handy dandy guide on graphing your friends emotional state. The red smiley is when they're good, the blue frown is when they're down.  
  
Why are these waiting rooms so boring? Two month old magazines will not keep your mind off of your friend in the operating room.  
  
That it from this day forth, I'll be a better friend to Tomoyo... Though that might just make her think I'm pitying her because she just tried to kill herself.  
  
No wonder Sakura says 'Hoe' so much. This is really confusing.  
  
~o~  
  
"Who's bad, Who's bad, Who's bad? Woot! Woot!"  
  
"Okay, okay, I get your point. But she's still in the hospital."  
  
"Yes, but she's not dead. If she was dead, the Disaster could never be averted."  
  
"True. We just have to see how Sakura reacts when the time comes."  
  
"Kero, can't you ever just say 'Gee Flower, you're totally right this time'."  
  
"I wish I could Flower, I wish I could." 


	3. Yelling at the phone

~o~  
  
She's angry at me, I can tell.  
  
I've ruined her party, all because she came to check on me early.  
  
Now mother has to come home from her meeting early.  
  
I really didn't want to inconvenience anyone.  
  
The doctors say it's from going on to anti-depressants at such a young age.  
  
But I've been planning it since Sakura first looked at Yuki with those eyes. The ones I wanted her to look at me with. The ones that never will.  
  
~o~  
  
She's still angry at me. I know it.  
  
She keeps glaring at me from her bed. I can't really blame her. If not for me, she'd be dead right now... And no matter how that sounds I mean that in the nicest way possible.  
  
The doctors didn't want to let her go. She was still under observation, and her medication levels needed to be checked and rechecked. But Mrs. Daidouji is very good at convincing people to have her way, even over the phone.  
  
So now I have to take care of Tomoyo personally. Until her mother gets home in a few hours. She's taking the first flight tonight, but even then, it'll be a while.  
  
Rika was surprised that I called to cancel the party though. I couldn't tell her exactly why though, that's Tomoyo's secret. If she wants to tell her, that should be her choice.  
  
I just can't get the image out of my head, Tomoyo sitting in the big hospital bed, thick cloth bandages around her wrists, stained with angry red lines where she... where she...  
  
The worst part is telling Meiling... I keep looking at my cell phone. I even dial a few of the numbers, before I give up. I don't want to tell her not to come, but... Well, I'm going to be busy...  
  
~o~  
  
I force myself to speak, the portion of my mind that has to be a good hostess sliding into gear. Slowly though, I don't think I'm better yet.  
  
"Thank you Naoko-chan." It's a little thing lie. Nothing worse then any other thing I've done over the past few years.  
  
But she tilts her head as she looks at me. Looking through me almost, at the complex mask I've built up, right through the chink in my armor. "You wish I didn't find you that early, don't you?"  
  
It's sudden, but the truth as I nod my head a little, "It'd just be easier, you know..."  
  
She blinks, looking around my room, at the wonderful fabrics, the old designs, my video collections. I don't get to design much for Sakura, now that her adventures with the cards are over. "How long have you been taking Prozac though?"  
I can tell she's changing the subject, she can tell. "For about 2 years now." But it's easier then thinking about why I might want to end my life. She's worried about something, nodding in her chair, trying to think of another conversation to have as she looks around her room.  
  
She's already told Rika that the sleep over is canceled. She'll tell Chiharu, even though she won't know why. The only person left would be #5 on my speed dial.  
  
Even as I reach for my cell phone. She might be a little upset, but she'll understand why best of all.  
  
~o~  
  
I've never seen Tomoyo's cell phone before. It's so pink and tiny though. She barely even seems to dial, before the words "Meiling" fall from her lips. To be truthful I'm a little relieved that she's telling her what happened. In full even.  
  
I've been... tongue-tied around her lately. I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of her, nothing special. I have to make a good impression.  
  
She's foreign. 


	4. Mind flayer special attack!

Author's Note: Killing yourself is not cool. Don't kill yourself.  
  
: Tomoyo is a trained professional in the art of depression. Do not try kill yourself to get attention.  
  
~o~  
  
Tomoyo is possibly the most amazing person I know.  
  
She's still dizzy from the lack of blood, and she's trying to make sure I'm comfortable in her house. It's actually more then a little overwhelming. I now have some idea just what Sakura must feel like most of the time. When Tomoyo focuses on you, it's like being under a spotlight.  
  
I suppose it could be worse though. I could be trying to explain to her mother how I found her dead.  
  
That thought chills me to the bone. Just a different action, a slight change of luck a few hours ago, and instead of watching her try to cook, I'd be looking at her lifeless vessel floating in the bathtub.  
  
...  
  
And then she looks at me. Actually, it's more like through me. Like I'm as transparent as a glass window pane to her. I've seen her do it to Sakura one or twice before, but being on the receiving end is beyond simply disturbing.  
  
Like having all your secrets ripped open and laid bare for an archeologist or some kind of mortician to dig through. Making broad declarations about your life, based on things you could never even see.  
  
I turn away from her, I can't believe how much I'm blushing though.  
  
But she just smiles at me, giggling.  
  
~o~  
  
Poor Naoko.  
  
I'm not really her type. She wants some one who can drown her in love, someone who won't ignore her the first time someone else says 'I love you'. I never even thought of it before, but she's been upset for a long time. Sort of like me, but in a different sort of way.  
  
At least for the last few years too. Probably ever since Rika and her stranger got engaged. Though that would probably mean she was interested in Rika... That would almost be... Well, it's been a long, long while now.  
  
Oh my, I think I made her blush. Maybe I was staring at her too long? Oh! The way she's turning her head is rather cute, I really should do something nice for her. I mean, she's probably still rather upset.  
  
But then the door bell rings.  
  
My, you try to kill yourself, and then everything gets so busy. Ambulance rides, hospital stays, and the attention is kind of nice. If you go for that.  
  
"Naoko? could you get the door for me?"  
  
~o~  
  
I didn't expect her to show up at all. "Hello Meiling, did you run all this way?" Part of me wanted to believe she had other plans. Even though she really has no reason to stay in town with Sakura and Sayoran gone.  
  
She nods, stomping into the house, "Where's Tomoyo, is she okay?" Her voice tries to hide a slight panic, by being more aggressive. More in control then she really is.  
  
"She's in the kitchen right now," She's very upset though, but for a good reason. But the glare she gives me upon saying that is a mix of fear and shock, finally showing through to her face.  
  
"With all the knives!? What if she tries it again?!" And she's off like a dart.  
  
I have to assume that she knows where it is, but Tomoyo wouldn't try to kill herself, not today anyway. "She promised." 


	5. Scene: Morning

AN: Addendum. Killing your self hurts you, the people who love you, the people around you... the list goes on and on. Please, for the love of anyone, don't think killing yourself is fun.  
  
=.=  
  
Diary,  
  
I'd really like to say I was happy.  
  
Mother is home, some of the guards are back now, and Naoko went home to get some sleep late last night. She'll probably be back later on today though. I'm sure she blames herself for what happened. Which is really bad because it's not her fault at all. I just don't know how to explain that to her.  
  
It's Meiling I'm worried about right now though. I don't think she's slept more then a few minutes since she's gotten here. She's been watching me like a hawk since yesterday afternoon. It's almost a little disconcerting. It's worse because she really doesn't want to talk. The most conversation I've gotten out of her is a few non-committal grunts, and I think a nod of agreement.  
  
I can't believe I missed so much though!  
  
I mean, I know I was a little overly focused on Sakura before, but there's so much more going on around me then I ever imagined! My own house has more sexual tension the any soap opera! It still warms my heart to just close my eyes and think of Sakura, so I'm pretty sure I'm not falling for any one but...  
  
Well, take the maid, Eimi. She's a little wierded out when I enter the room now, but it's so obvious that she has feelings for my bodyguard Kasumi. I can't believe I've never noticed it before!  
  
It's actually a really nice set up, because Kasumi is getting a little lonely, and she's even starting to think she's getting old (which she isn't). I just have to figure out how to get them together without making it seem to obvious.  
  
And the worst part is, I've been seeing it everywhere. Not on everyone mind you, but the red string of love fills my house, and no one is acting on it, probably because Mother is so... touchy about it.  
  
Which is weird, because she really enjoys seeing people happy and in love.  
  
---  
  
"Oh Kero?"  
  
"Okay Flower, you win. You kept Tomoyo from killing herself for now."  
  
"That's all I wanted to hear. What do you think the Mistress will do when she finds out?"  
  
"Well, Sakura is already having nightmares. Sayoran's mother is having them too from what I can tell. It'll really depend on when she can figure them out I guess."  
  
"So, would you tell her the truth now? The whole thing I mean, not just the prophetic part."  
  
"I still don't think she's ready... Would you really be at her age?"  
  
---  
  
I should be worried about getting shampoo in my eyes, but all I can think about is Tomoyo.  
What would cause her to want to kill herself? Well, yeah, there is the thing she has with Sakura, but that wouldn't make a person want to kill themselves. Would it?  
  
The water runs down my hair, getting into my mouth, but I can't stop feeling sorry for her. She even told me last night not to feel sorry for her, and I can't stop myself. I'm not even at her house anymore and I'm worried about her...  
  
Probably because if it was me, I'd do it again.  
  
And again.  
  
Until I succeeded.  
  
I saw how she reacted to the doctor when he said it was a side effect of her anti-depressants. She didn't believe it either.  
  
But then later, she looked me in the eyes, and promised that she wouldn't try it again. And it was like she swore to me, and to anything watching that she wouldn't try again. No matter what happens.  
  
That felt really good too. She trusted me enough to swear something like that.  
  
Maybe we should do something today... Something different. 


End file.
